Living Day by Day
by blueeyedgirl07
Summary: Emotional abuse of the past & overcoming the effects day by day.( Please understand this is a true story. I am doing this here because I feel it will reach more people & give hope to those who have been through something similar. (Rated M because of emotional triggers, language, & content)
1. Chapter 1

Please R&R, but no flames please…there is no need for violence. We all have our beliefs & opinions. We will never agree on everything, but I respect everyone & ask the same….Besides this is just a story. This is my creative writing, beliefs, & opinions & if you are offended then I apologize. But I will not change myself because then that wouldn't be me it would be someone else & you may stop reading at any time. For those of you that like this positive feedback would be honored. Thank you…now on with the show.

_Prolog….._

Abuse

There are many kinds of abuse. Each one horrible & devastating in its own way. This is a story of a girl who had a dark time in her life and continues to struggle with and overcome its effects.


	2. Ch 2

Again I will say this one more time & then I will ask you to refer to Ch. 1 for disclaimers.

Please R&R, but no flames please…there is no need for violence. We all have our beliefs & opinions. We will never agree on everything, but I respect everyone & ask the same….Besides this is just a story. This is my creative writing, beliefs, & opinions & if you are offended then I apologize. But I will not change myself because then that wouldn't be me it would be someone else & you may stop reading at any time. For those of you that like this positive feedback would be honored. Thank you…now on with the show. (Warning possible triggers)

I spent the first 18 years of my life in hell. Well, that's what it felt like sometimes. As far back as I can remember I was verbally abused by my step-dad. I can't really remember how old I was when it started, maybe from birth, but I remember being really young hearing horrible things said to me. It always started when my step-dad was drunk or drinking. I know that's not an excuse for how he treated me, but when he was sober he did good things for me. This may be a bit confusing for some people to understand.

A person can be one way one minute then a different way the next, but when dealing with a drunk that's what happens. It may also be hard to understand that I had and have a love dislike relationship with him. The good things he did were provided a home, clothes, food, & did things a dad should do. He took me camping, hunting, crawfishing, taught me how to swim, dance the two step & drive. The bad thing he did was cut me down even if I didn't do anything. Now if I asked him for a favor he would probably do it as he has before, but it would not be without an insult or two. It seems like for every good deed or action there is a negative insult along with it.

I am going to give you a glimpse of my life by telling you about those times that I was so heartbroken I wished I was dead, but I will also tell of my safe places & reason I kept going. There is going to be very ugly words & phrases, & sad & horrible moments, but along with that there is some positive & happy moments as well.


	3. Ch 3

Please refer to Ch.'s 1 & 2 for Disclaimers.

There was an incident when I was between 8 & 11 when I accidently broke my glasses. I don't remember how they broke, but I clearly remembered what happened when I got home. I remember sitting on my bed nervous & crying. I told my mama that I accidently broke my glasses. That I didn't mean it and I was sorry. She told me "Your daddy is going to be mad when he gets home. I remember all of a sudden panicking and crying harder. She left me sitting on the bed dreading when he came home. I was so scared and upset that the only thing I could think of to do was run away. I packed some things left a letter and took off to a friend of mines house. I wasn't gone long before the police found me. The only thing I could think of is how much trouble I was going to be in and what my parents would do to me when I got home. The weird thing is I don't really remember what happened when I got home. I totally blocked that memory out. I suppose it was so horrible I can't remember. I have a lot of gaps in my memory and I don't really know why. I remember another incident when I brought home a bad report card. My daddy came into my room and started spouting off.

"You're never going to amount to anything so why try."

I remember how worthless I felt and angry. I just got up and walked around the house trying to get away from the bad mouthing, but he just followed me and continued to spout ugliness.

"You're not going to ever be anything. Your just no good trash and might as well give up."

I just blocked him out and finally he gave up and I went to my room to cry and listen to my music. That was one of my getaways. My music and my books. I could lose myself in the soft melody of the music of the fanciful life of a book. I always imagined myself far away in another world hoping one day I would be rescued. My mother never said anything or do anything and that just made it hurt more. The only right thing she did was make sure we went to church on Sunday in which I am extremely grateful because that is where I learned about God and his love for me. I also learned a lot from my grandma. She would read her bible and tell how much she loved me. She would rub my back and play in my hair. I remember she would tell me that daddy didn't know what he was talking about and that she loved me and that drinking makes people do stupid things. Sometimes when daddy would bring us fishing, or camping, or he would be teaching me how to swim I would ask why it can't be like this all the time. As I grew older I eventually ignored or mouthed back when he got that way. I know I shouldn't have been sassy or disrespectful, but I was a teen and it was my way of rebelling.

My parents were also very strict. Hey rarely let me out of the house expect to go to grandmas or a friend's house which was far and few between. I didn't have many friends growing up. I guess it was because I was shy, reserved, & Leary of people. At least that how I was at school or people I didn't know, but my personality was friendly, outgoing, and I really loved being around people after we got to know each other. I guess my persona put out snotty or too good to be around but that's not what I intended. Also if abuse at home wasn't bad enough I also suffered at school. Kids can be so cruel and immature. I was constantly picked on all the timed. I was called stupid, bitch, whore, and filthy trash. The thing is I never did anything to these people, but I guess they felt they needed to make sure I was miserable to feel better about themselves. I was even kicked from behind and thrown down a flight of stairs. I'm lucky all I got was a scar. I never told my parents anything that happened in school and they never found out from anyone because I never reported it to any teachers or principles. I kept out of trouble did my work and was a quiet good girl in school. The only person I told was my grandma and she did what she always did love me and rub my back and play in my hair.


End file.
